Our
story
I wasn't sure if I should
say anything about hemophilia, but when I started searching the internet
I could not find a lot of information of people personally and if it is
even one person we can help with our story and experiences it will be worthwhile.
And it is a part of our lives, so why ignore it ?
I welcome any comments,
questions and/or advise about this subject. I think sharing experiences
about hemophilia whether it is about raising a child or dealing with issues
(medical and other) can only help you.
What is hemophilia
My dad has hemophilia, a
bleeding disorder. It means he misses one of the factors in his blood (in
his case the so called Factor VIII (8)) that helps to clot the blood. As
a result he bleeds longer and more serious and needs Factor to help the
clotting. However, a lot of people think that hemophiliacs therefore bleed
to death when they cut themselves, NOT TRUE !!! The biggest problems are
bleeds in muscles and joints and when untreated they can cause a lot of
damage.
Hemophilia is an x-chromosomal
linked genetic disease; I inherited that from him and am called an obligate
carrier. I am not a patient, although my Factor VIII is on the low side
and I have been an easy bruiser (even more so after Julian was born, since
my factor dropped to 49 %). We knew that when I got pregnant we would have
25 % chance of a son with hemophilia and when I got pregnant and we did
a CVS in my 10th week that was the result. We decided to proceed with the
pregnancy, Hemophilia is not a life-threatening disease (anymore) but we
knew it was not going to be easy.
Our experiences
I will add to this regularly
but will only mention some things I think are worthwhile. They may be unique
to our situation and to our child, every patient is different. But at least
it gives you an idea of what we are doing.
Pregnancy
and Delivery
The fact that we were expecting
a son with hemophilia unfortunately meant that I could not deliver where
I wanted in the birth center. They were afraid something would happen and
did not want to take on the risk (liability is the word here). I was considered
a high risk pregnancy (I still think that's not true, but hey, try to argue
with them) and had to deliver in a hospital. Using vacuum extraction and/or
foreceps with hemophilia is not possible so when anything would go wrong
it was going to be a C-section. Luckily that was not necessary, but because
I had several lacerations they ended up giving me Factor (my level had
actually dropped to about 49 %) ! The only precaution they took with Julian
was to have a head-ultrasound done and make sure he did not suffer any
trauma from the birth. I think that's only done in the US, because a Dutch
doctor never heard about this and it is to my knowledge not routinely done
in the Netherlands either. Julian was fine however, no bleeds, no bruising,
thanks god. They were supposed to take a cord blood sample to check his
factor level, the blood was drawn, but as we had to experience many more
times; the lab messed up and did not have "enough" to check it.
I just found an interesting
document on the WHF site with information about pregnancy and delivery
for carriers and that while I complained today about not enough information
being available about this subject. Check this
paper
General
The first few weeks were
very stressfull, you don't know yet what will give your child a bleed (and
I still don't know after 10 weeks) and every little thing makes you pay
attention. He hit his head one night on a collarbone (be aware of those
lolling heads !) and had that "I'm hurt" cry. I was panicking and ready
to go to the ER, but he was fine. It takes a while though before you feel
safe enough and even then I think it's better to be safe then sorry. I
check him every time I change his diapers and bathe him to see if there
are any bruises. I also "frisk" him to check for hot spots and swelling;
a sign of bleeds and watch his movements, is he moving one arm or leg more
than the other ?
We got the advice from our
HTC (hemophilia treatment center) to order some factor and have it in-house
in case we need to go to an ER which probably will not have any factor
available. So we're looking now into where to get it (the HTC has a pharmacy,
but how will it be reimbursed, home care company is another option, but
they might not be covered), how much and which kind. Luckily the people
at our HTC are always willing to help.
July 6, we ordered
Refacto from Wyeth with a homecare company. They will deliver it and also
take care of infusions (other than emergency situations). May seem a little
early, but I like to have everything in place before something happens.
The homecare company also took care of talking to our insurance and straightening
that out, a great help !
July 14: the homecare
company (see link below) came by to deliver the Factor, the supplies and
to introduce themselves. Mike, the nurse and Cazandra were very nice, answered
all my questions and seem very professional and pleasant. It gives me a
lot of comfort to know that we can count on them in case of. They also
can provide presentations to the daycare or other people and in time will
help with teaching to infuse. Mike looked at Julians veins and he thought
it would be no problem. At least that is a good sign.
August 8: Julian
has a small bruise on his hand. We don't know what caused it, could be
a toy or lying on something. It is not big and doesn't seem to bother him,
but it kind of reminded me again that we have to be careful with stuff.
My parents took out a hard plastic rattle and 2 buttons on the playmat,
just to make sure.
August 27 : We discover
a bruise on his ribcage. It's not big, but has a distinctive bump on it.
A few days later when it starts to spread it gets a lot bigger and it looks
scary. Again, he is not bothered by it, you can touch it and he does not
react. We don't know what caused this, could be a lot of things.
October 25 A little
white stripe is showing on the lower jaw, Julian is teething. I order a
bottle of Amicar just to make sure but it looks like he will be okay for
now. He starts to crawl and can get anywhere he wants. We have carpet,
but also foam pieces on that and pillows against the coffee table and the
cabinets. He starts to know how to get around those, but they still work
for a barrier. I still carry him around in a sling, and that is no problem,
no bruises or cut offs showing. He still scratches himself regularly and
that leaves some blood but it usually clots before we see it.
Nove 6-8: we attended
the 55th annual meeting of the National Hemophilia Foundation. Not only
did we hear and see a lot of useful information, we also met some very
nice people that have kids with hemophilia so we could exchange some information.
Hopefully we'll be able to stay in touch.
Nov 16 Julian has
a nasty bruise on the underside of his upperarm. It's red and blueish purple
and we don't have a clue how it got there. We put an outline on it with
a pen to see if it gets bigger, but it doesn't look like it. We also had
a little scare because we found out he was bleeding in his mouth. Probably
from chewing on a pen. We only noticed because he was chewing on a stuffed
animal afterwards and we saw the blood. Luckily it stopped very quickly,
but I did have some panick thoughts about giving Amicar. At least we have
it in house and can give it if necessary.
Dec 7: We start noticing
more and more bruises on him; legs, arms, chest, it seems every day there
is a new one. Since he crawls his potential for injuries is bigger ofcourse,
he bumps his head and rolls over and onto toys. It will get worse and I
just try to reason that if he doesn't complain about it (you can touch
the bruises and he doesn't even flinge) we should be fine too :)
Jan 11, 2004:Julian
is a very active boy, he crawls, stands up (and falls down), climbs on
and over everything so inevitable we see bruises on his shins and elbows
now. I noticed that he didn't have that many when he was home during the
holidays, but we have a very padded environment; carpet and then foam mats
in his playpen. He bumps his head now and then but seems to be fine.
Jan 18, 2004 Big
scare, daycare called that Julian had fallen on his head. I panicked first,
then thought, okay, ask the right questions; where was he, what was he
doing, what was the surface, did he cry, how is he now etc. Turned out
he only fell from sitting down but on the vinyl instead of the foam they
so conveniently put down. After a call to the HTC we got the advice to
watch him, but he probably would be okay. And it seems he is, but nevertheless
it left me quite distressed for a while. I think it's really hard now giving
up "control" to other people to care for him and you can't see what they
do and what he does. It's one of the reasons i would like to stay home
with him (not the only reason though). As far as that goes I think parents
with children in a special situation just have it a little bit harder.
Jan 25, 2004 Seems
the scares get more frequent. Thursday I noticed a big bruise on his sternum.
It looks quite yukky and got a little bigger. Again, he seems to be fine.
We keep an eye on it and rub arnica-gel. I'm not sure if it works, but
it won't hurt him either.
Feb 16, 2004 We had
a big scare today, Julian fell and hit his head several times this week,
but today he fell backwards in the playpen and hit Marco's knee. For the
first time we could definetely see and feel a bump and the beginning of
a bruise. So we called everybody, the nurses from the hemophilia center
(who told us to get our home nurse in), friends (it's always good to have
people you can call and talk to) and eventually the home care company.
The nurse came out, looked at it, then talked to the hemophilia center
nurse and decided it was not necessary after all to infuse, phhh ! We should
again watch him for any signs of pain, discomfort or unalertness.
Feb 22, 2004
Julian has been fine since
last week, so we're hoping it was okay.He has lots of bruises on his knees
and arms now, and even one on his back ! Oh well, if that's it, we should
be fine. We got a call from the HTC to ask if we wanted to participate
in a pup (previously untreated patient) study for Advate. Free factor and
supposedly the chance for inhibitors is lower with this. So we said yes,
good planning because our current factor officially expires end of this
month. You can keep them for a lot longer, but ofcourse that's not the
required way of doing it. Unfortunately we cannot "trade" our current factor
if not used, but we can donate it to the HTC who can give it to patients
with insurance problems.
Feb 29, 2004
New, free, factor has arrived.
I just realized that we will need more when we go to the Netherlands since
they don't have it over there. We notice a lot more bruises, his whole
leg from knee to shin is covered and he's got one on his side, back and
arms. So I try and put his kneepads on as well when he crawls a lot. Here's
a picture of Julian in full gear, believe me, he doesn't go any slower
because of it !
April 12, 2004
2 Days before his birthday
and Julian has the biggest bruise ever, actually it really looks like a
bleed and scares me a little bit. It's on his butt cheek, probably from
falling on something and it clearly hurts him, because he cries when he
falls on it and if we touch it. I feel so bad for him. We will watch it
closely and if it gets too much I think we should go for treatment....
April 25, 2004
Sometimes you just have
a Jonas day when everything goes wrong. And if your child has hemophilia
it seems even worse because they bear the marks of those incidents quite
obvious and for a long time. Julian had multiple incidents on Friday; he
fell his teeth through his tongue. The blood sprayed everywhere and it
bled pretty bad. Fortunately I did not panick (that long) rushed him over
to the kitchen and put an icecube in his mouth. He didn't want to, but
tough luck and it helped, the bleeding stopped after a few minutes. His
tongue is purple now, but he eats and talks and doesn't seem to be bothered.
He also fell and hit his head (again), no serious results there. Then he
fell and hit his face (eyebrow, cheek) on the handle of the oven drawer...
I put ice on that too, but my luck didn't last, he's got a blue eye above
and under his eye. Well, that just shows you that sometimes you just have
to take a deep breath and go with the flow. You cannot prevent everything
from happening and I refuse to hover over him, he will have to learn, even
though that means he sometimes will hurt. Not a case of bad parenting,
but you need to have a life and make your child independent too.
May 2, 2004
First infusion !! Julian's
tongue did not get better, rather worse and did not stop bleeding anymore.
So we decided to give him factor after all. Julian did not seem to be bothered
as much by the prick, but more by the tourniquet, he was a little trooper.
I cried (not during but when we decided to do it), but hey, that's all
part of being a mom. He had 2 infusions and his tongue seems healed already.
He will need to keep on taking the Amicar, which is yucky, but cranberry
juice is a good disguise. HTC called, Julian's bloodwork
came back and it looks like he has 2 % factor VIII. We will have to see
if this is really so, but if, that would be great news and he would be
moderate instead of severe. Ofcourse these tests sometimes are incorrect
so we will for now just go on as had he severe, but we're hoping that his
2 % is true.
June 6, 2004
We are back from vacation.
We took 5 doses of Factor, but luckily did not need them. Before we left
I checked where the closest HTC would be, I know them in the Netherlands,
but in Denmark I didn't. The WHF passport
is very handy for that, but we found that the Danish Hemophilia Society
actually had another HTC listed that was closer to where we were staying.
So I think it pays to check out local/national hemophilia societies as
well, but make sure the information is updated in all cases !
Julian did really well,
he walks more confidently and doesn't fall as often anymore. We did put
his helmet on several times, just to be sure; better safe than sorry !
July 11, 2004
Again we had to call in
the nurse for a tongue bleed, it seems like this is the only thing till
now that Julian has trouble with. And ofcourse how it happened was really
dumb, he was playing with a basketball and tripped and fell. We gave only
one infusion, and keep on giving Amicar for 10 days (he does not like that).
It has not started bleeding again, but it's not gone either, so we will
have to check it carefully. We bought some softplay things, a step, a big
square, a slide and a "rollercoaster" and he absolutely loves it. We put
foam mats under it in addition to the carpet and he goes up and down and
has lots of fun. He will sometimes "jump" to his chair, which is pretty
daring, so we made sure to put big pillows around the "play area" as well.
No more playpen, so there is lots of things he gets into now, we just have
to be vigilant.
July 18, 2004
Julian's tongue is still
not completely healed. We did 10 days of Amicar, thought it was fine and
then yesterday he again had a little blister with blood. So we started
on the Amicar again. I'm not sure how long or how often we should do this,
but it looks like it's almost healed but just needs that little something.
We give the Amicar with Cranberry juice and Julian just drinks it.
August 15, 2004
Julian fell about 2 weeks
ago against a steel crate at school. He did not cry, and the bump did not
develop until a few hours later. But it started getting worse and worse,
he developed 2 black eyes and a real Klingon profile. Finally on Wednesday
school called and said it looked to get even bigger so we finally called
up our hematologist. He immediately ordered Factor (for 8 days !) and a
CT scan to rule out intercranial bleeding. Luckily the scan was negative,
but it could have been worse. This will teach us (especially me) in thinking
that it will pass. When he bumps his head next time I will call right away
and hopefully it won't take 8 days then.
August 22, 2004
For a split second I was
scared that Julian had his first joint bleed today. Marco found that his
right ankle was blue and swollen and he did not like us to touch it. I'm
not taking any risk anymore so we called the nurse who said; infuse. But
when the infusion nurse came it she said right away that it didn't look
like a joint bleed nor did he act like it would be (all this time he was
still walking and turning and on his tippy toes). So luckily we did not
need another infusion. Better safe than sorry.
January
17, 2005
It's
been a while, which only is good right ? Julian is doing fine, he moved
into a new group at school with kids his own age and really likes it. We
can tell though that the teacher is still kind of weary when it comes to
treating bumps and bruises. We should get the nurse to come in again. Julian
still wears his kneepads, but not his helmet at home. He knows how to fall
and in general will brace himself with hands before he hits his head !
June 12, 2005
Julian is now 2 and even
though he had bleeds for the past 3 months every month, everything is still
going fine. No joint bleeds and he is active as ever. He still wears the
helmet at school. His shins are always covered in bruises and sometimes
we will find them on his back and sides too. He went through a short period
where he would have them under his arms, that is over now. When he gets
an infusion, he helps with the tourniquet and sometimes will say where
he wants to be stuck, he's getting the hang of it. At his last checkup
we encountered more "weird" values. Twice before Julian had about 2 % factor
VIII, this time he only had 0.7 % ! We think it may have to do with breastfeeding
(I stopped around his 2nd birthday) but we have not been able to find anything
that would support this theory. Who knows, we may have caught on to something.
Julian has been treated for another tongue bleed (one does the trick) and
some weird complaints for his hip and shoulder and a big bleed in his underarm.
He takes his Amicar "straight" now and seems to like it !! I guess you
can get used to it :)
September 3, 2006
I know, a long time since my last update, but it's so much part of our life now, that I sometimes forget. Julian has been doing pretty well. He averages about 1 bleed a month, not always big ones, so sometimes we have 2 or 3 days of infusions and then 2 months without an incident. His later test results have all come back under 1 %, so we are convinced the breast feeding had something to do with his elevated levels in the beginning, since they dropped off as soon as he stopped nursing. We are still doing on-demand therapy and that works fine. He has not developed a target joint and as long as that is the case, I think we will hold off on prophy. We've seen quite some hospitals during trips and vacations; we were in Austin, Oslo, and lately in Toronto. We never had to pay, until we got to Toronto; 500 dollars for an ER visit and that while we brought the medication, plus the peripherals and they basically "used" us to teach the attending, the doctor and the nurses. They should have paid us !! Anyway, that was a good motivation to start learning how to home infuse. I did a session with Gail and then stuck her successfully, then we did another one this week, when Marco stuck me (slowly, but good), and I stuck him (I had to wiggle and then it worked). Now we have to practice more on eachother with saline and then we might get to Julian. He just has such small veins that I wonder if we would hit any of them, but we should stay positive. Julian is a very active boy and we still try not to keep him from doing anything. He loves swimming, which is good for him, but also soccer, which did cause an ankle bleed lately. Time will tell how he will do. Julian helps with the infusions; he cleans the vein, takes the tip off the needle and even removes the needle from the site. When Gail came to teach me he said;" I want to do it myself". I think he will be ready for this pretty early. Thank goodness though that he is so good about it; no crying, no fussing, he sits and gets it done, we are very proud of him !
April 2007
I guess the less I update, the better it is ??? We have been doing prophylaxis for about 6 months now. Julian is still very good about it; never cries, whines or even cringes, even when he needs 4 sticks !! We have started to infuse him and it goes up and down. I did it successfully 3 times in a row (even without a nurse attending) and then I couldn't for 2 weeks. His veins are so tiny and he needs to eat and drink and move before we can even get to some of them. He has 3 good spots, 2 on his left arm and one on his left foot. We would like to have some more, but he is becoming a little more pudgy, We do rotate these 3 spots so we don't use them every time. We only have 100 homevisits that will be paid for by insurance, so it's good if we can keep under that number. And, we are going on vacation and would like to keep him on prophy, so we really have a good reason to do it ourselves.
July 2007
Well, we are there. As of end of April both me and Marco infuse Julian. It's been so much easier. Don't get me wrong, our nurse Gail was wonderful and usually would come when it suited us, but still; we had to be dressed and ready when she came and most important you would always have to wait. Now we infuse basically at the same times, but it's no problem when we're later or earlier. And, in emergencies (which hardly ever happens anymore) we can just infuse him at home and then call the HTC. It takes away a lot of the hassle and panic. He still only has 2 good spots unfortunately, but they are holding up for now. He has not had a bleed ever since we started prophy, but he did have some good big bruises, which luckily did not result in any other problems.
Here is Marco
infusing Julian in the morning (yes, Julian is still wearing pj's :)
MEDICAL
PKU or heelstick
This was the first hurdle.
Surprisingly he did not bleed from it right after birth so they ended up
sticking his hand (twice) and that clotted before it got to the lab ! It
was good enough for the pku, but they did not get to do his factor level.
He had a bruise on one of his hands for about 3 weeks from squeezing it.
The second PKU at 10 days
was the same deal. They had to stick him 4 times to get enough blood, and
this while the nurses were freaking out he would bleed all over the place
! I was in tears and he was screaming by the second stick and I told the
nurse to stop. Luckily they brought someone in who knew how to do it right
and she did great. No bruises or problems from those sticks.
When Julian was born they thought he might have hip instability because they heard a "click" while moving his leg. Therefore we had to go for checkups at 3, 6 and 12 months and take X-rays. Luckily it turned out everything was fine, and we don't have to go anymore.
Immunizations
Julian has had several immunizations
till now, we're spacing them out. All were given subcutaneously (NOT in
the muscle) and that went fine. No fever, just a bruise on one of his legs,
probably from squeezing more than the stick itself. Make sure you bring
ice or ice-packs to cool the injection site right away. It helps keep the
swelling down. I also give him Tylenol about 30 minutes before.
Infusions
Julian has had a few infusions
till now and we are on a 8 day cycle now for a head bleed. Unfortunately
the nurse that was great with sticking him left and his replacement is
not all that great. Not only does she need a few times to get it, she also
wiggles the needle, needless (ha,ha ) to say that Julian gets very upset.
I'm not sure what to do about this. I can't stick him myself, but I think
that somebody who does this for a job should be a little better than her.
I probably will call the homecare company about this and complain.
CT scan
Julian needed a CT scan
because of a head bump. We did not know that they had to "strap" him down
which made him very upset. I think it helps a lot if you have a good nurse
that understands that children are scared (we had a bitch, not a good experience),
and make sure you have somebody with you too to hold on to. You probably
have to wait a long time in the ER, bring food and drink if you can, and
make sure you always have something in your car or diaper bag.
Insurance
During a workshop for new
parents of children with a bleeding disorder we heard some scary stories
about lifetime caps and how one family with a 3,5 year old already reached
a million on their 2 million dollar caps. I think this is one of the most
stressful problems with a chronic illness. You need good insurance, which
limits the jobs you can take and maybe also what you can do. Till now our
insurance has paid for everything and with ABS we do not have a limit (wonder
how long that will last ?).
Our homecare company officially
has a 700 dollar copay, but they waive it. So instead of us paying it,
they do. I guess they will get enough money out of it once we start doing
prophylaxis :)
Aug 1, 2004
Well, I guess our luck couldn't
last. Our insurance probably didn't change, but the homecare company was
taken over and now they are telling us we have to pay for every nurse visit,
factor and ofcourse a deductible of 700 $ per year !! I called them, but
nobody knew exactly what this meant so I refused to give them any more
information they wanted until they have figured out how it goes. Anybody
else had to deal with this, and how does it work when you want to do profylaxis
?
Jan
17, 05
Back
in November we heard that Julian came out at about 2 % factor VIII twice
in a row now, so he was "officially" declassified to a moderate patient.
Not that it means much, but at least the chance for spontaneous bleeds
is less which we are very grateful for. They just are wondering know whether
my dad is really severe, since the severity should be genetically determined
so the fact that Julian has 2 % is "impossible". My dad will provide more
data after his next checkup.
June 12, 05
Well, our luck did not last,
since his last test came back at 0.7 %, so I guess he's back at severe
level. He may be one of those few people that fluctuate, I guess we will
have to wait till next time. Truth is that he bleeds a lot less than other
children with a severe level, so maybe we are just lucky. We had another
"glitch" with insurance, but that turned out to be their fault. I kind
of get into panick mode, but that's just because I know that if we would
not have coverage for the nursing visits and factor, it will cost a lot
of money.
Daycare
When I was about 7 months
pregnant we signed up for a Montessori daycare and did not tell them Julian
would have hemophilia. So I was kind of dreading to tell them for fear
they would turn us away. They called last week and I explained it to them,
but the director said it would not be a problem. She just wants all the
information I can give her which I will do ofcourse. The HTC also gives
presentations to daycares and schools so I want to get that done as well
in September.
August 10: We have
a presentation scheduled for August 18. Marco will be attending with Julian
as well. Too bad I cannot be there, but I'm sure it goes fine.
September 5: After
being cancelled twice, the presentation finally happens with me there,
not Marco. It turns out the teachers were nervous, but I think the nurse
gave them enough information to make them feel comfortable. It's me that
is still unsure about this whole daycare thing. The daycare seems really
interested and want to learn about it, so that is a good thing. The test
will come next week when he's there for 3 days.
November 11 Julian
has been at daycare now for almost 3 months. The teachers love him and
he has been doing good. They do keep an extra eye on him, especially now
he starts crawling and pulling himself up. We gave daycare a list of phonenumbers
and also put on that list that they always have to contact us. That seems
to work well.
Jan 11, 2004: the
teachers have requested that we get a helmet for Julian. I am not too happy
with that. I don't mind having a helmet and using it sometimes, but I am
very afraid that they will just use it all the time as an excuse to not
keep a close eye on him. I have ordered one (as well as knee pads), but
believe me, I will go by daycare during the day now and then to find out
if they are putting the helmet on all the time, because that is definetely
not what I want. True; he sometimes "headbangs" but usually not on the
floor. And anyway, he will have to learn that some things are just not
good for him. This makes me more and more convinced that I will not keep
on working, but stop when he turns one and Marco has to go back fulltime
as well. It's a shame this country doesn;t care at all about trying to
keep parenting a job for both parents.
Feb 22, 2004
We gave daycare the helmet
and he wears it without complaining. I'm still not sure how often and how
long they make him wear it, I guess I will have to talk to them about that
soon. They know we don't like for him to have it on constantly, but outside
it's almost a must since there is concrete....
July 2004
Julian moved on to the next
group of 12 to 18 months. I think they were kind of scared first since
I had to ask for him to be moved. Ofcourse the infant room is "safer",
it is padded, but he needs to play with kids his own age and he needs to
explore and run around, hemophilia or not. He likes it and is as active
as the rest (with a helmet on :)
June 2005
Julian has been in the toddler
room since the end of 2004 and he loves it. His new teacher is very good
about calling us, giving him ice and we bought some rapid ice packs at
the dollar store that work wonders !
September 2006
Julian is now in the Montessori class and everything
is going well. He does come home with weird bruises sometimes, but if it's
something they notice; out comes the ice and the Arnica. He plays with the other
kids during playtime and lately he has not been wearing his helmet; which is
fine with us, he will have to learn to do it without. The nurse came in and did
a presentation for the class and all his friends and especially the older kids
are now more aware that they have to be a little more careful around him and do
so too.
Hemophilia
links
National
Hemophilia foundation
World
Federation of Hemophilia
Hemophilia
Federation of America
Hemophilia
village (sponsored by Wyeth)
Hemophilia
Galaxy (sponsored by Baxter)
Infusion
Specialties (home care company)
Patient
Services Incorporated: (for free items like helmets, kneepads etc.)